Being a foster teen in the 90’s was not the best life experience for me. I made decisions that I wish I could change, but those decisions molded me into the person I am today.
8 foster homes was my learning platform of life.
By the time I was 15, I ran away from a home that I thought was permanent. After being called bi $&/÷s and never amount to anything, by a foster/adopted mom, I snuck down the stairs at 2am on a mission to just run away from having to go back to the system. I opened the door and it started to make noises so I left the door cracked open, I turned and slipped into the night with nowhere particular to go, I just ran.
We didn’t have cell phones back then so I had to run to nearest pay phone and decided to call the boy I got caught on the phone with, which was the reason why she started verbally abusing me.
While running to the gas station, I heard a car coming so I threw my body inside a ditch. I waited while my heart pounded, until the car drove by. I got up and ran the rest of the way at 2am, until I was able to get to the pay phone. I called him, he told me I could come to his house and his mom wouldn’t care so without thinking twice, I proceeded to walk another hour until I knocked on his door.I didn’t have money, just the clothes I had on my back so I was hungry and thirsty. When I got to his house and met his mom, we made a palette on the floor in the living room and I was able to relax my feet and just cry. I laid there scared not knowing my next move, my only thoughts were going back to the shelter that I did not want to go back to…….
To be continued…..
When I was about 8 years old and my brother was 7, we were two happy little kids running around the park- Museum knowing we were being filmed for future adoptive parents who wanted children for their daughter to grow up with. I was dressed up in a pretty blue dress and my brother had on some slacks with the nice pressed shirt. His hair was slicked back with the gel and water because it was so fine and my hair was in tight pin curls that bounced all over my head as I ran. Its been about 3 or 4 years since I last saw my mother, and here it is, I am on display so that a mom could find me to adopt. I hope I’m pretty enough. I hope I’m doing all the right things because I’m ready for a family to love me and take me in.
I’m sitting here at the park with my 9 year old and 3 year old just wondering if my mom ever think about what happened to us.
I wondered because the love that I have for my children as I sit here and watch them play so innocently, is so strong that I don’t understand how somebody can go on their life and not wonder what happened to the seed that they produced in their stomach.
One day I will find you mom just so that I can ask these questions.
I know it’s been a while
Since we’ve seen each other’s smile,
Life have passed us by
Without you witnessing my life,
There were time I cried tears of thunder
As I layed in the bed with thoughts that wondered,
If I would ever see your face again
Or will I go through life clutching this pain,
I just want to know the truth
The real truth about what happened to you,
Why the love you gave
Was so easy to replace,
One day I will find you
That would be a wonderful surprise
And maybe we can start brand new
Sharing stories about each other lives.
My purpose in starting this blog is to give you a glimpse of what went on behind my walls as a foster child. I will discuss what obstacles that I faced after getting emancipated from the foster care system at the age of 17 and what type of an adult and parent I became as a result of being a foster child and making bad decisions.
This is not a pity party type of blog, but more of an informational tool to help Foster parents and Foster teens have more of an insight on situations that were never told while living in the foster care system. My whole life will not be written in one day. As time goes on I will tell you about my life stories such as physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and neglect that went on in different foster homes.
My ultimate goal is to open a non profit organization geared to foster teen girls who are neglected and abused without a home to call their own. I want to instill a desire to learn how to be a productive individual once they reach adulthood. I will provide tools to help the foster teens who is transitioning from a foster child to and adult. If we all come together to find a solution to the educate foster on how to live a productive life in the world, then there will be one less child dead, in jail or living on the streets.
I hope you have an open mind because I will not hold anything back. This is my time to be truthful with myself about who I am today and why I made the choices I made so I can come up with a program to help others.